![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
But is it wrong to want to get out of a relationship because the other one has a better ed then you?
Yeah.
Fuck this shit.
I'ma go cry myself to sleep, again.
Oh yay, my BMI is 19.5 again.
Lol I have a lower BMI then R.
Oh and she just said she can't count cals.
It's not even that hard.
I mean, it took me a week to learn all the basic things like rice/pasta/bread and shit.
Come on.
Still she is better then me.
Everybody is.
Fuck life.
I don't want to survive the new year.
Merry fucking christmas ppl.
- Mood:annoyed
- Music:Kanye West - Love Lockdown
MKAY?
I mean it.
I don't have an ed.
I don't have a life.
I don't have a healthy way of living.
O and her boo tried to die.
R is making this so hard.
I've cried... 5 [or more] times today if you count from midnight to midnight and it's not even that last midnight yet.
Hello this school week is going to make me cry even more.
And and and the only [onlyonlyonly] good thing so far is that Ms F gave me a cd of my fave band.
She's amazing, mkay.
I want to talk to Mr B, I think for once in an amazingly long time he might be the only one to understand me.
AH CRAP HERE COMES THE TEARS AGAIN.
- Mood:crushed
I hate my life.
And I've gained a pound.
And just idgi.
Fasted for 1½ days straight.
-..-
I'm so tired.
And I binge.
And one of my fave. bands are playing this friday and it's 18+
And today me and R have our 4 months together.
And I want to cry because I haven't done it for realz for a really long time.
And I just don't get my life atm.
- Mood:angry
1st week went like okay.
Binge tho.
Dnw.
And yeah.
Still at the same weight as last week.
So no harm done tho.
And I'm on my period so ttly bloated. /o\
I'ma skip breakfast on thursday so no food at all that day.
Making plans after school. \o/
Oh and O is annoying me.
This is like the gazillionth time [or like 4th or 5th] time she's come running to me crying because of her bf.
I mean, he's not good for you, at all. I know she loves him but he blames her that he cheated on her.
A good partner will never say that.
And R is doing better.
But I'm scared of her.
And oh hi my english teacher asked the class about if we had any ~friends who had done ~stuff and oh hi I talked about me insteadz.
I mean.
Fail on my past.
And yeah. The 13th will be bad.
It's 3 years since my first gf took her own life.
I DNW that day so bad.
And that's also a good reason why not to eat.
I'll puke over it all.
And oh hi my body is craving cheese.
I wish I was alergic to it.
But my braces hurts like a mofo so it's all fine.
I eat soup and mushy shizzle instead.
Noodle soup for dinner tomorrow?
It's only 90<100 cals.
Idk, idk.
Sent A a new letter too.
Hope she get's it.
Well... Goodnight or whatever.
And see ya on monday unless I come to rant again.
ETA: Still like no bowel movement.
And my appointment got moved from last thursday to wednesday.
Gonna write me a letterz instead. Dnw talking bout this. /o\
- Mood:contemplative
So yeah.
Long time no see.
My BED became like... worse.
As in so fucking bad as in butter out of the package.
Raw and unheated food.
As in eating and even tho the pain not stopping.
On thursday [the 6th] I'm finally, FINALLY going to speak to somebody about me BED.
I can't stand it.
But anyways.
Update now because I need another epic month.
So yeah. I'm ~ready.
I need the change.
I need to lose the shit I gained.
Okay so I gained like 2 pounds.
But that is like 30 pounds to much.
Oh, R has anorexia and don't want to admit that.
Yay? Only I don't want R to have that.
Might post why in a fo post?
'Cause it's annoyingly playing in my head.
Oh oh oh.
I have an epic crush on Mr B and Mr P and also Ms F.
lol?
But Mr B because he is amazing as always. Only he has a gf now! [Ikr, I thought he was gay too!]
Mr P because he called me a lesbian.
And Ms F because she is always that way.
Oh and... IDK.
Wish me luck on my ~spiritual journey/month?
So far ~okay.
Only little food, but almost no moving.
Had to, you know STUDY.
D:
[Gonna do stats every... monday?]
Ohai btw. TMI. I'm still constipated. lol it's been like... 3 months now.
Fail body can't get no shit out of my system. No pun intended.
- Mood:cranky
So yeah, long time since I last updated.
My BED is getting worse.
I binge every day after school.
And it's not eating a sandwich or leftovers or shit like that.
It's eating butter out of the package and raw meat and other things I find.
That's sick.
And I purged yesterday.
In school.
All I got up was a chunk of the half slice of bread I had for breakfast.
And I self harm and I cry and I die.
That is my life.
Every day I think about dropping out.
And nobody see that.
They think I'm ~fine.
Ugh.
Don't get me started on how much my weight is fluctuating.
It's like a fucking rolercoaster.
- Mood:full
I'm 6 millimeters taller then I thought.
That changes my bmi tbh.
And I fucking binge every day after school nowadays.
I miss the old school counselor.
The new one is shit and I won't say a word to him unless I'm forced.
Shit is all I can say.
- Mood:sick
Like 700 cals today.
My lw has sunken to 53.8/118.6
My bmi is 19.5
I think I'm failing school and we don't start until friday.
I binge and have episodes all the time now.
I'm high on life.
Not that I have any reason to be.
- Mood:high
Omg ~readers.
I did a little weighing this morning.
55.0.
55 point fucking 0!
Meaning I'm exactly on my 1st gw.
Meaning my bmi is exactly 20.0.
Standing there and counting the 1st 6 ribs.
It gave me the feeling of control.
I've only had a banana and lunner [lunch&dinner like brunch but you know, after lunchtime] at like 3 pm and it wasn't more then I usually have for just 1 meal so YAY.
Omg you guys!
<3
- Mood:happy
-..-
So yesterday I threw up, well it wasn't more then a handful but still.
It was more then I thought I could do.
I will not make this into a habit.
Yesterday was epic fail day.
R decided she had to start making a choice and it ended up in epic fail.
It's still fail worthy, but getting better.
I don't even know.
So weekly weigh in lands me on 55.9 kg.
Only 0,9 kgs to my 1st gw.
Hope my epic eat almost nothing today helped.
J is out on the county. I miss her.
Step counts for these last couple of days;
6300 ~ 200
8500 ~ 280
7500 ~ 250
13300 ~ 440
9400 ~ 300
- Mood:confused
